


I NEED U

by badtimestories



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Drama, High School, M/M, Manga & Anime, Romance, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Tachibana Makoto/Nanase Haruka/Matsuoka Rin - Freeform, Tragedy, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2020-10-11 23:00:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20554088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badtimestories/pseuds/badtimestories
Summary: To the waver heart.To the firm heart.To the scheming heart.





	1. Dread

Makoto will always too afraid of confessing his feeling towards Haru.

Actually, Makoto was always afraid of everything new, but he knew there was Haru who would always be by his side. But how could Makoto be brave when the thing he was afraid of was Haru?

Makoto was assured in his feelings since he and Haru were in junior high. For some reason at that time he felt the dark blue hair blown by the sea breeze was more attractive than the blue sea itself. However, from the feeling that developed, there was a fear; could Haru love me as much as I love Haru?

The fear eventually led Makoto to just become a good friend of Haru.

"Makoto's daydreaming again." Haru, while propping his chin played Makoto's hair that sticking here and there. "What do you really think about?"

Makoto turned his head to Haru, smiling shyly because he could not refuse Haru, who was getting more and more charming from a distance of only a few inches. "Not really in particular."

“I met Rin.”

Makoto gasped until he choked with his own saliva. "Rin?"

“Hm.” Haru nodded. “At the playground, daydreaming, like Makoto was.”

Makoto chuckled followed by a giggle voice of Haru.

"Did you greet him?"

"Yeah, but he was shocked and just left."

"What really happened?"

Haru shrugged, but his face immediately turned away. Makoto knew very well that Haru was lying, but he was also reluctant to burden Haru with his insistence on being honest because the problem Haru faced with Rin was certainly not a small problem.

"Want to buy ice cream after school?" Makoto asked while patting Haru on the shoulder.

"I have to go straight home."

"Then I'll drop you—"

"I have to take care of something first," interrupted Haru, all of a sudden.

Makoto was a little surprised, but then gave his best smile again to Haru. Actually Makoto knew, since their meeting with Rin at the Iwatobi Swimming Club that night, Haru started acting strange. Haru began to daydream and lag behind conversation. Haru was leaving Makoto more often to go home first, perhaps to look for an opportunity to meet Rin. Makoto didn’t know what Haru wanted to do, and whatever the problem he wanted to solve with Rin. However, it could be admitted that Makoto was very jealous of Haru's sudden attention to Rin.

That day, Makoto went home with Nagisa and Rei who were both surprised by Makoto's steps without Haru beside him. Even so, Makoto tried to smile in front of the two. After being at a crossroads where the three of them had to separate, Makoto saw Haru and Rin near the temple. The two seemed to be fighting, but Makoto could not hear anything from the fight. Makoto wanted to interrupt both of them, but Makoto felt there was a gap that made him not to interfere both of them.

Especially after a sudden kiss from Rin to Haru.

Makoto turned around. He immediately walked away to avoid the temple he was supposed to pass before reaching his house rather than feeling so pathetic to catch his two little friends making out in public without thinking that they were both men.

Makoto sat at the end of the stairs before the beach, watching the dusk that was almost counted at night. He linked his fingers and squeezed them hard while looking down.

If only Makoto had the courage to just express his feelings to Haru (apart from the situation that they were both men), maybe at least Haru and he could be together. Despite the turn and Haru refused, at least Makoto has no burden to bear for as long as he lives now.

And now if this happened, how could Makoto be able to deal with Haru?

"Makoto," called Haru, "buy lunch."

"Oh, I promised to eat together ..." Makoto looked around and found Kaori who had just taken out her lunch and took her to stand up, "... Kaori! I’m going!"

Makoto immediately took the shabby black wallet Haru had given him when they were 10 years old in his bag and left the classroom leaving Haru alone.

"Since when did you become so close with me anyway?" Kaori asked, following Makoto's steps, who hurried to the roof.

"I bought foods and drinks, okay!"

"You know I brought my lunch."

Kaori followed Makoto all the way to the roof, then accepted Makoto's apologies, looking down with her arms folded in front of her chest. To make up for Kaori's involvement, Makoto bought an isotonic drink for Kaori who failed to eat her lunch and sat on the edge of the floor while leaning their back to the wall.

"So ... why did you avoid Haru?"

"Ah ... it's fine."

"Until when do you avoid your own feelings?"

"It's not like I want to avoid— Eh?! How did you know that I like Haru?!"

"It's not like I don't know that you really like Haru. Your intense, gentle, and sometime foolish look says everything. Maybe the whole class know that you like Haru."

"I-Is that so obvious?"

Kaori nodded and snatched the isotonic drink bottle from Makoto's hand. "Try to express your feelings to Haru before it's too late."

"Looks like it's already too late."

"Why?"

"Haru is with Rin now."

"Heh?! That Rin?! Matsuoka Rin?!"

Makoto nodded weakly. "I saw them ki—" Makoto immediately cleared his throat, "... alone in front of the temple."

"That doesn't mean they are together, right?"

Makoto let out a rough breath. His face looked very depressed and lackluster. He couldn’t possibly say that he saw Rin kissing Haru in front of the temple to Kaori.

"Whatever the case, you should ask Haru. Don't take the speculations yourself. You will continue to get hurt if you do. Assuming a nonsense is not good for your heart." Kaori stood up, patting her dirty skirt as she sat on the dirty roof floor and immediately left Makoto. "See you in class!"

It is true, Makoto could not keep avoiding Haru. However, Makoto could not see Haru's face after what he witnessed a few days ago. Makoto was too scared to lose Haru, but Makoto knew that his way to avoid Haru would actually drive them both away.

"Ah, damn feeling!"

Actually, Makoto always intended to explain everything to Haru every night. However, after he saw Haru's face in the morning, Makoto's guts immediately frowned and even Makoto continued to avoid Haru for a full week, thanks to the winter that didn’t required their club to practice in a pool that wasn't even roofed.

These days Kaori has always been Makoto's reason for avoiding Haru, and Kaori actually didn't really mind that because he got lunch from Makoto (and the fact that Kaori has a feeling for Makoto), but Haru has begun to get suspicious and even had time to ask to Kaori whether Makoto and herself are dating.

"I told you to resolve your problem with Haru as soon as possible. Haru asked if me and you were dating, this afternoon. I didn't answer anything and I think that's enough with the play you've been playing for this week. I can't be your shield anymore." And Kaori left Makoto.

"Ka ... ori ..." Makoto breathed out.

"Argued with Kaori?"

Makoto was jolted because Haru's voice was so close to him. Haru tilted his head in surprise. He thought he often whispered near Makoto's ear, but had never seen Makoto so surprised before.

"Oh, no, no! I'll go first! I have to eat dinner with Kaori," said Makoto who was again avoiding Haru.

No.

Haru knew something was different from Makoto.

After all ... Kaori had just left, how could Makoto be so stupid to go back to the reason that he would meet Kaori?

Haru knew that Makoto wouldn't say anything about this, especially after he realized that Makoto had been trying not to look at his face everytime they met. Therefore, Haru followed Makoto who apparently led to a convenience store across the highway before the beach.

Nothing happened except Makoto who bought a can of coffee and sat on the steps before the beach, as Makoto used to do with Haru.

Haru immediately approached Makoto, his legs could not be quiescent and his mouth was itchy to ask what was really happening. "You said you were with Kaori ..."

Makoto gasped. He immediately stood up, causing the canned coffee he had just bought fell and spilled. "H-Haru ... I-I am waiting for Kaori."

"I ran into Kaori before, and it seems like she has no intention of meeting you today." Haru started lying to provoke Makoto.

Makoto cleared his throat, looking away in all directions except Haru. He immediately packed the things in his bag including one lunchbox which he admitted that would be given to Kaori in a hurry. "I have to go. I just remembered there was something I had to do at home."

Makoto walked with a wide and hurried distance while Haru trailed behind with a small trot because the steps could not be as big and long as Makoto.

"Is Makoto avoiding me?"

"What? I'm not avoiding you, really! I do have work at home that I must complete."

"Is it because of the lunch you always bring for me?"

"..."

"Is it because I love water too much?"

"..."

"Is it because of Rin?"

Makoto stopped walking. This time it was not entirely Haru's question was wrong, because Makoto was jealous of Haru and Rin's closeness lately after the two met again. Although Makoto has never been a step without Haru, he feels so far behind Haru when Haru with Rin. Even though the two are in a confusing atmosphere, Haru and Rin always have something that Makoto and Haru don't have when they are together. It felt unfair for Makoto to struggle alone to take steps following that lag.

"Because Rin ... right?" Haru stepped closer to Makoto. "I always wanted to talk about my and Rin's problems to you but I don't think Rin would be happy if you knew that too—"

"So you mean I won't feel hurt by the secret between you and Rin?!" Makoto's screaming was enough to make Haru stunned, trembling a little because Makoto's huge body was now right in front of him. "Even after I caught you kissing in front of the temple, I'm still trying to stay with you and act like nothing happened ..."

"Y-did you see it?"

"Who can't see things you don't even try to cover up?!"

"Makoto—"

"Even after all this time I always believed in you ..." Makoto sighed, "... you still choose Rin who hasn't even a month in Iwatobi! Always like that when you are with Rin! You will always choose Rin over me who has been beside you all this time right?”

"Makoto!" Haru shouted, his hands clenched and his body trembled even more.

He had never fought this much with Makoto, even to have the opportunity to see Makoto this angry before ... he had never imagined it. And when he thought about it, was Makoto who always avoided conflicts and had better draw his own ego to win Haru, who sometimes rather childish.

Makoto held his head, grabbed his messy hair while closing his eyes after seeing Haru's trembling body hold his anger. He slowly approached Haru and his hands reached Haru's shoulders. Haru had looked up at Makoto and looked at him with teary eyes. Makoto felt guilty after seeing what he had done to Haru even though all of that was a thing that had been propped up in Makoto's heart.

This is so wrong, Makoto thought as he looked at Haru.

Makoto realized he could not do this, but his face came closer and his sanity thinned. Unknowingly, Makoto had landed his lips on Haru who was still frozen in front of him.

Just a peck.

"Sorry for even dare to have this feeling for you, Haru." Makoto turned around. Ah ... this is the last day I will drop and pick up Haru at his home, Makoto thought.

"Once again."

Makoto turned to Haru who looked down, his face flushed even though he had tried to cover it up. "Do it one more time, I want to be sure of the feeling I'm feeling right now."

Makoto immediately pulled Haru and kissed him, not just pecking his lips. It happened for a quite long time until Haru could close his eyes and stand on tiptoe to reach Makoto's lips. Makoto's hand approached Haru's cheek, while Haru's hands only clenched.

Tears soon broke down after the amateur kiss which both of them tried. It turned out that not only he had this complex feeling towards Makoto.

Apparently there is nothing wrong with feelings. Only those who are too afraid to reveal and lose others.


	2. Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru loved.
> 
> Makoto hesitated.
> 
> Rin interrupted.

Haru knew that Rin always upholded his pride. But in the presence of water, all self-esteem could fade and the ego would only pollute what he has loved. Haru never cared about time records, even less a success or victory from the water splash created through his kick.

All he needed from water was freedom.

It was just that in recent years the water has not been very friendly with Haru. Every time he clasped his hands to move both of them, he always pictured Rin's angry face because his pride had just been crushed by a lay swimmer who didn't even care about his achievements.

That really made him uncomfortable with water.

Since his meeting with Rin all of a sudden that night at the Iwatobi swimming club, every day Haru always had the opportunity to visit Rin's school to invite him to a duel once more. He felt Rin deserved to win, and he also felt that giving in for his own freedom was not a bad thing.

In the end, Haru will only always think about his personal well-being.

That day after returning from school, Haru accidentally met Rin in front of the temple. It was strange to see Rin's hair was dry, because usually the strands of reddish purple hair always left water drops at the ends.

"Rin!"

Rin let out a rough breath. He hid his hands whose fingers had become numb from snow this afternoon in Iwatobi. His eyes glanced occasionally at Haru who jogged and stumbled once because of pebbles (it was difficult for Rin to hold back his laughter because of that). "Listen, Haru. If it's about dueling again I— "

"Rin ..." Haru panted, "... you know I don't care about anything other than water. I didn't even know I would win the unimportant duel that we— ”

"Unimportant? Do you know how hard I want to win from you? Do you know how much effort I have to look cool in your eyes when I win?”

"You don't have to do that to look cool in my eyes!"

"But I have to, Haru!"

"You are far more superb from me and everyone admit that! Even when everyone closes their eyes to see your greatness, I'm always there to witness that! I do not want—"

Rin suddenly approached and kissed Haru who was trying to regain his trust from Rin. Haru widened, but his body could not even move to refuse what he thought was wrong.

"I have to look great in front of you ... so that I can at least love you without any burden ..."

Haru sighed just to save a few seconds without a meaningful refutation. He exhaled harshly and said, "you are crazy, Matsuoka Rin."

And Haru left Rin there without trying to see how Rin reacted after he said that.

Haru did not understand Rin's obsession to be the strongest among the greatest so far, until he learned the motives behind Rin's hard work.

Did Rin always try so hard just to be equal with him? But what was the different Rin and Haru if Rin already won from Haru? Wasn’t Rin just trying to keep his pride in front of Haru? Even after last night's kiss, Haru was still unable to guess the intent of Rin and his hatred of Haru's victory at that time.

Not to mention this week Makoto suddenly kept avoiding him made him even more dizzy. He wondered what Makoto's intentions were now until he chose to avoid Haru. As Haru recalled, the last time they met was at lunch ... last ... week ...?

It's been a long time!

At least today Haru had to talk to Makoto. Haru couldn't possibly be far from Makoto, not after what they went through together as a child. Haru never imagined a day where there was no Makoto there.

Maybe this was Haru's mistake because he was too focused on Rin to accept his apologies which he had repeatedly emphasized and he tried to beg to Rin.

Thinking about all the possibilities made his head even dizzier.

"Is it because of Rin?"

Makoto stopped walking.

_It's definitely because of Rin._ Haru thought with a frown.

"Because Rin ... right?" Haru stepped closer to Makoto. "I always wanted to talk about my and Rin's problems to you but I don't think Rin would be happy if you knew that too—"

"So you mean I won't be hurt by the secret between you and Rin?!" Makoto's screaming was enough to make Haru stunned, trembling a little because Makoto's huge body was now right in front of him. "Even after I caught you kissing in front of the temple, I'm still trying to stay with you and act like nothing happened ..."

"Y-did you see it?"

"Who can't see things you don't even try to cover up?!"

"Makoto—"

"Even after all this time I always believed in you ..." Makoto sighed, "... you still choose Rin who hasn't even a month in Iwatobi! Always like that when you are with Rin! You will always choose Rin over me who has been beside you all this time right?”

"Makoto!" Haru shouted, his hands clenched and his body trembled even more.

Haru felt his chest narrowed, his body suddenly weak, and even his legs trembled. At times like this it felt like Haru was deaf and mute, only tears that obscured the view could save him from the unpleasant sight of Makoto who always looked stupid and gentle now turned into rough and scary. But he was reluctant to show how weak he was in front of Makoto, not in his guilty state.

Makoto held his head, grabbed his messy hair while closing his eyes after seeing Haru's trembling body hold his anger. He slowly approached Haru and his hands reached Haru's shoulders. Haru had looked up at Makoto and looked at him with teary eyes. Haru was ready if at this moment a punch landed on his cheek, or at least a weak slap from a Makoto because he knew that Makoto could not even hurt a mosquito.

But instead he got a kiss from Makoto. Makoto's dry lips trembled when he touched Haru's lips.

"Sorry for even dare to have this feeling for you, Haru." Makoto turned around.

_No._

_Not anymore._

Haru clenched his fist and closed his eyes while saying, "once again."

Makoto turned to Haru who looked down, his face flushed even though he had tried to cover it up. "Do it one more time, I want to be sure of the feeling I'm feeling right now."

Makoto immediately pulled Haru and kissed him, not just pecking his lips. It happened for a quite long time until Haru could close his eyes and stand on tiptoe to reach Makoto's lips. Makoto's hand approached Haru's cheek, while Haru's hands only clenched.

Tears soon broke down after the amateur kiss which both of them tried.

Haru weeped, quite loud. It was like letting go of something he had endured for years. This is different from what he felt when he was kissed by Rin. It felt like someone was tickling his stomach and playing with his heart.

A feeling that only he had for Makoto.

"Eh ... Haru?! Did I do something wrong?!"

"Fool ..." said Haru whose voice faltered.

"W-what?"

"Makoto, fool!" And Haru immediately hugged Makoto and hid his crying face which was definitely very ugly on Makoto's shoulder.

Makoto chuckled while holding his best friend (or is he now a boyfriend?) tightly. "Let’s go home."

"Hm." Haru shook his head, "take me to dinner first."

This time Makoto really laughed. "Alright, Haru_-chan_."

The problem occurred not before Makoto and Haru finally officially dated, but precisely because both of them were teenagers in love who could not even cover their happiness in public. A little while ago, both of them found by Kaori almost kissing on the roof. For Kaori and her class, it might not matter. But how are the girls who are crazy for both of them? Then what about some other gays when they find out that there is an opportunity to have Haru and Makoto?

"Geez ..." Kaori breathed harshly, "... I know you guys are having a very flowering period, but can you guys hold it in school?!"

Haru tilted his head. "Why do we have to hide it?"

Makoto who jolted immediately pushed Haru who was surprised because Makoto pushed him. Makoto was immediately looking away from Haru and Kaori.

"Mako ... to?"

For Haru, it didn’t matter that everyone knew about their relationship, because all he really needed was Makoto. But maybe for Makoto ... Haru wasn't the first person he had to prioritize.

"D-do you mind our relationship?"

Makoto paused, glancing slightly at Kaori who looked at him sharply as if she was investigating him and was waiting for the right answer for Haru and her satisfaction.

"Makoto! Do I not mean anything to you?!"

"Not like that!"

"Then what?!"

"For you, maybe our relationship won't ruin your life because you really don't care about anything except water, but I have a lot of considerations about what people will think of us! Our parents and those closest to us!"

"Tachibana Makoto!" Kaori shouted this time very loudly, almost shrill.

The scream was enough to make Makoto realize that Haru was now crying by closing his left eye with his palm and looking down.

"I care about Makoto ..." Haru said, "... Haru cares about Makoto!"

And Haru left Makoto and Kaori on the roof.

His steps wobbled and stumbled. He felt dizzy and nauseous, so Haru had to cover his mouth with both hands while running to the nearest toilet. Even when he got to the toilet and he managed to throw away all the lunch he had just eaten with Makoto, he still felt dizzy and nauseated, as if something was blocking his throat.

Haru sat on the floor next to the toilet. He did not have the chance to close the room he was using. He then curled up next to the toilet, leaving the cubicle open.

During this time he treasured Makoto without caring how people would think about them. For Haru, Makoto was all he wanted to live in the world. Makoto was his life that he couldn’t leave. For him, Makoto was the reason why Haru could pay attention to the world other than the water that he loved so much. For him ... Makoto was a love that even water couldn’t match.

But Makoto did not think so.

Then ... for what did Haru try to express his love for Makoto all this time? To play house when the stage lights turn off?

"... ru ..."

"..."

"... Haru ..."

"Hm ..."

"Haru."

"Makoto?"

Haru opened his eyelids after falling asleep for a while in a narrow toilet cubicle. Haru hoped that the one who was now stroking his head was Makoto, but what he saw now is a man with reddish purple hair.

Matsuoka Rin.

"Haru ..."

Haru opened his mouth, very thin. His entire face wrinkled and his breath suddenly wheezed. "R-Rin ... Makoto ..."

"We go home."

"But ... Makoto ..."

"Nanase Haruka. We go home, now. "


	3. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin moved.
> 
> Haru slumped.
> 
> Makoto indignanted.

When he found out that he hated himself instead of hating Haru's victory, Rin felt he deserved to be given a punishment called love.

He was well aware of what he felt was not a feeling of not wanting to lose, but a feeling to look great in front of a loved one.

That's why he was so angry with himself.

And that also makes Haru assumed that Rin hated him.

A few weeks ago Rin returned to Iwatobi for one reason or another. But what actually happened was that he missed Haru so much that it felt like he wanted to die and give up on everything that had been his dream. For him at this time, Haru was a dream that he must realize.

When he heard that Iwatobi Swim Club building would be demolished, Rin did not suddenly go there to remember himself and Haru had been together for the relay. He knew that his colleagues would come there to pick up some of the things that had become their memories, which was why he had deliberately gone there to meet Haru.

But when he got there, he instead acted too cold and spoke nonsense to Haru, even though Haru's body in front of him really wanted to embrace.

Likewise, the other days when Haru tried to meet him and invite him to a duel again. He knew that Haru did not care much about losing, he only cared about his freedom in the water. And he also knew that Haru might make it look like he won the duel.

And he hated himself who could not try to be cooler than Haru.

"But I have to, Haru!"

"You are far more superb from me and everyone admits that! Even when everyone closes their eyes to see your greatness, I'm always there to witness that! I do not want—"

Rin suddenly approached and kissed Haru who was trying to regain his confidence. Rin squeezed Haru's shoulder, feeling something from the kiss made him nervous half to death.

"I have to look great in front of you ... so that I can at least love you without any burden ..."

Haru sighed just to save a few seconds without a meaningful refutation. He exhaled harshly and said, "you are crazy, Matsuoka Rin."

And Haru left without a word.

Rin couldn’t try to stop Haru. However, his eyes also did not indicate that he had resigned and would give up his love for Haru after hiding it for so long.

Rin squinted his eyes with a bunch of confidence, _you are mine, Haru._

After the kiss, Haru no longer came as he usually did. It even made his heart impatient and irritated. Therefore, Rin could not focus too much on beating his own time record, he even had time to kick the barrier because all he could think of was Haru.

Two more weeks of the tournament and Rin couldn't even bring it to focus on the tournament. Even if he thought about it, Rin did everything just for Haru.

Rin couldn’t continue like this, not with the pride he always trusted. He might lose Haru again.

Today Rin would meet Haru and—

His cellphone suddenly rang, enough to break his mind of Haru. The shock made Rin not have time to see who was calling and just answer it.

"Hello?"

"H-hello ... Matsuoka Rin," the woman's voice trembled, "I was your classmate when I was in elementary school, Kaori."

Kaori told everything, everything including the fact that Haru was dating Makoto now. And he had heard the story about Makoto's doubts.

Stupid.

If Rin was given the chance of Haru to love her, Rin would do well. Rin would not give a damn with what people might think about them. For Rin, Haru's love meant grace.

Rin stepped hastily toward Haru's apparently empty school building. Rin peeked at all the open spaces, including the bathroom and the cubicles inside.

Kaori said, she couldn't find Haru after the incident on the roof and Makoto seemed reluctant to look for Haru. She also couldn't go into the men's room just like that. He had tried to contact Nagisa and Rei but both of them were busy with the follow-up exam. So all he could think about was Rin and got Rin's cellphone number from Gou.

"Haru!"

Rin was very tired of running to the fourth floor and found nothing except an empty room. Until finally he was on the last floor and found Haru in one of the cubicle, whether he slept or even passed out.

"Haru."

"Haru."

Haru opened his mouth, very thin. His entire face constricted and his breath suddenly wheezed. "R-Rin ... Makoto ..."

"We go home."

"But ... Makoto ..."

"Nanase Haruka. We go home, now. "Rin crouched down and turned her back to Haru while saying," hurry, go up. "

This time Haru did not refuse at all, he immediately dropped his body on Rin's back and leaned his head on Rin's shoulders limply. Rin got up and raised Haru's body slightly before he walked out down the stairs out of the school.

Throughout the lonely journey, both Rin and Haru were reluctant to say a word. Rin knew that it wouldn't be good to talk to Haru when Haru was this bad.

All this time Rin knew, even though Haru was a strong person and didn't seem to care about his surroundings, he was just a fragile kid who always hid his feelings. Haru was always weak when talking about feelings. Things could get out of control and even messed just because someone disturbed Haru's feelings.

Thirty minutes after walking in silence, Haru and Rin arrived in front of Haru's house. Rin immediately walked through the back door that was never locked.

"Haru."

No answer.

Rin couldn't see whether Haru was sleeping or just daydreaming, but he decided to squat down and make Haru came down from his back.

Haru was stunned, and that made Rin very angry. How could Makoto do this to Haru who believed in him all this time!

"I know I should think about many considerations like Makoto, but no matter how much I try to think about understanding Makoto, I still can't understand why he can doubt me. Even after he tried to explain the thing he was worried about rudely, I still don't understand why he did that and ignore that the two of us are dating. ”

Rin made a fist. He could have come to Makoto's house and hit him with a single blow.

"But even after what happened Rin, I still couldn't hate Makoto. After all ... "Haru looked up to see Rin standing right in front of him," ... can I live without Makoto? "

Rin crouched, he held Haru's hands and said, "If Makoto isn't ready to live with the fact that he likes you, you can come anytime to me."

At that moment, Haru's tears broke out, just like the cry of a child who was crying and screaming"Why isn't Rin who Haru loves?!"

Those words made him even angrier, this time he was angry at himself for regret. He regretted leaving Iwatobi just because he wanted to be cool in front of Haru and left his feelings for Haru in Iwatobi hoping that Haru would like him more after he studied abroad.

Even when Haru fell asleep in Rin's arms because he was tired of crying, Rin still could not say anything to at least create the impression of a reaction to Haru. Throughout the night Rin accompanied Haru in his sleep, even though Rin could not fall asleep at all because he could not control his own feelings when Haru was so close to him.

And Rin realized that Haru's feelings for Makoto were so great that they felt so painful and suffocating for Haru and even Rin. Haru was not a person who could express his feelings well and Rin already knew that well.

Rin's fear of Haru who began to learn to express this feeling finally came true. If Haru could express his feelings of love to this extent, maybe the pain that would obtain by Haru would be greater and it could destroy Haru deeply so that it couldn’t be repaired anymore.

"Maybe ... if that happens ..."

That day Rin walked Haru to the gates of his school. It didn't matter if his roommate suddenly saw an empty bed or some people would be surprised by Rin's sudden absence (Rin rarely skipped school), he only made sure that Haru was okay, at least until he met Nagisa and Rei.

Rin grabbed Haru's hand who happened to be daydreaming on his way, who might not have noticed that his hand was in Rin's grasp.

The city was very quiet to even deal with abnormal relations between men so that some people didn't realize that Rin and Haru were not in the normal phase of just being friends.

On that trip suddenly his hands were heavy and what he realized after that was the loss of Haru's hand in his grasp.

Makoto

Haru flinched. He looked up at Makoto who was now beside him while pulling his body closer. "M-Makoto ..."

Rin rubbed her hips while cocking her head arrogantly. "Apparently the Prince wants to take his Princess back?"

Makoto did not say a word, he just tried not to be angry and smiled at Haru who was still speechless and looked up to see Makoto's face with his hand trapping his wrist.

Rin scratched her nose with the tip of her toenail and said, "Change your mind because the Princess has taken the new Knight's hand?"

"Matsuoka Rin!"

"Tachibana Makoto!" Rin's scream was even bigger than Makoto's (because Makoto could never really make a real scream). "You are so pathetic."

Rin smiled, showing his pointed teeth. He then took Haru's hand gently, and at once his gaze was soft on Haru. "Come, Nanase Haruka."

But Haru did not budge, let alone move. He kept his eyes on Makoto anxiously before he turned slightly to Rin and said, "I'm sorry, Rin. But you know I can't live for a day without Makoto. "

From there Rin's soft face faded, replaced by a frightening face with furrowed brows. He loosened his grasp from Haru and glanced at Makoto, then suddenly he laughed and stretched his hands and placed his palms on his back head, leaning on each other. "I really can't win from Makoto."

Rin stepped a little to approach Makoto and touched his shoulder while saying, "once you betray the trust that Haru has just given, the next day is a hell for you."

And Rin just left as if nothing had happened, whistling while walking away from Makoto and Haru who still saw his back that was getting farther and farther away.

"I'll make that ‘maybe’ happens."


	4. Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin dissapeared.
> 
> Makoto stopped.
> 
> Haru troubled.

There was a miss-communication due to a mistake that had occurred between the two; Haru tried to keep his distance from Makoto while Makoto was trying to express his feelings with affection in public. As a result of the first fight between the two of them, both Haru and Makoto were reluctant to express what was their true intention. Both did not want to hurt others, especially because they were too selfish to lose others. Both were unable to match their pace, and in the end, it was only the awkwardness of what happens.

It's been almost a semester the two of them are dating, but there seems to be no significant progress other than a naughty kiss and kisses that sometimes make them forget their respective goals.

At that time Haru was bowing while sitting down and leaning his chin on the table while daydreaming when Makoto suddenly appeared in front of him with a smile and soft voice, "Haru-chan!"

Haru was stunned and immediately raised his head, looking around for someone to see. "What are you doing?"

"Haru isn't hungry? I brought lunch for you. "

Haru shook his head, looking at his nails slightly to hurt him to reduce his anxiety whenever he was with Makoto. Haru got up and saw the back door of the classroom, "I'm going to the toilet—"

Makoto stepped in once but didn't mean to chase Haru. "Don't you think we have something to talk about?!"

Anything Makoto would talk about, Haru was not ready. The confidence of Makoto's love for him had turned into a disturbing feeling of anxiety. "I-I always keep my distance from Makoto and try to be an ordinary friend in front of everyone like before. I will keep trying for it! So that, don't—"

Makoto took a long step to get past Haru and stood in front of him, then cupped his trembling cheeks because his breathing that held back tears. "We do as Haru wants. I don't care what people say. I only live for Haru now."

Haru held his breath when Makoto's face had an inch from his sight. He knew that Makoto would do anything for Haru, including putting aside his ego to protect his dignity as a good-hearted boy. "Kiss Me."

"Huh?"

"You said you would do as I wanted. For that, kiss me. Right now.” If Makoto kissed him without thinking, the doubts about the words that Makoto said would disappear and maybe he could walk with Makoto with holding hands. But at that moment Makoto was petrified for a fraction of a second, with a fret look that of course seen by Haru who was already too disappointed to even talk about it. Even though Makoto finally kissed him gently, the sweaty hands that cupping Haru's cheeks could never lie.

"Haru today is still—" Nagisa breathed out, "... cold ..."

Haru knew that winter had not yet passed and him swimming in this cold water was a mistake for him, but he could not think of the most appropriate punishment for someone as selfish as him.

That day Haru promised to leave Makoto for good if Makoto was still hesitant to just kiss him in an empty room. But in reality, Haru hugged Makoto's large body instead and said, "you idiot."

And it made Makoto giggle.

After the most sense punishment he could ever think was done doing, Haru who shivered changing his clothes and went out of school as soon as he was scolded by the school security officer because he was still inside the school and made the officer almost ran away, thinking that Haru was a school ghost.

On his way home, his eyes were interrupted by a photo that was printed using plain paper and looked like it was manually cut with messy print colors. But from the appearance of the photo, he already knew what the photo actually showed.

His left hand reflexively reached for the photo and managed to tear the thin paper away, but then a man stood before him by showing his cellphone and showing the same photo. "I've copied it everywhere, you know."

This figure was thin and tall, oval face with gaunt cheeks and orange hair that was erect like a person who had just been struck by high voltage electricity. He did not know who this person was. What he knows is the fact that he is the same student from Haru's school, looking by the uniform that the man wore.

"Delete," Haru said coldly. He didn’t even try to look up when he knew the very high difference between the two was the problem. Haru just squinted while looking at the person's face.

"Do you know what your mistake is?" The man slipped his cellphone into the pocket of his pants along with his two hands hidden behind his two pockets. "You. People who can't even smile at Makoto and waste Makoto's smile only deserve to go to hell with their selfishness!”

The man looked scary even though his first image was like a weak person. His hand came out of his pocket and was ready with his fist which only emphasized the bones.

It's true, most people don't like Haru not because of his bad temper, but because of his overly bad temper on Makoto. But what should he do when he likes someone and he knows they won't be socially acceptable? Even though he was very mean to Makoto, Makoto always returned and reached out to grab Haru in the bathtub every day.

"You know what you have to do, right? You must go far away from Makoto and never come back! You are rubbish that is not—"

"Honma."

Coming from the same side, a hoarse voice that was flat and low could be heard, then his form appeared from behind a shadow. Again a strange appearance he did not recognize.

"Forgive Honma, Nanase Haruka." The man walked closer to Haru and stroked his hair. Haru took a step back with no interest at all while the man just grinned. "Very cold."

Haru glanced at the man named Honma. He looked uneasy while biting his short nails while tapping his worn and perforated loafers here and there, then looked back at the face of the man before him.

The man sighed and said, "Honma is just too ... loving Makoto."

Haru snorted. Using the expression of love instead of liking is something that was both brave and stupid.

"We all have a purpose here. You who want the photo removed, Honma who wants you to break up with Makoto ... "the man smiled, pretentiously sweet," ... and I want you."

Haru clenched his teeth. It's useless to pay attention to crazy people like them. Haru planned to run and snatch the cellphone in Honma's pocket, but when he had just passed a mysterious well-built man, his head was gripped and banged on an electric pole. There was an iron sound echoing, making a dog barked. The impact was enough to make his head hurt until he closed one eye and was unable to move. His head was still gripped and even stronger, his cheeks still stuck to the cold electricity poles.

"Feel it!" Honma cursed while pointing at Haru's face.

The man who once smiled seemed angry until his face turned red and covered Honma's mouth as he said, "THERE.IS.NO.ONE.WHO.CAN. RAISE.THEIR.VOICE.TO.HARU."

With that said, Honma trembled while nodding before the man let him go.

"Does it hurt, Haru? Forgive me. I can't possibly let you escape and take the cellphone away. Even though I don't like looking at the photo, I have to keep it to save you for me. As long as you don't do anything, I'm willing to take care of your wound."

"What do you want?"

"Didn't I tell you? I want you."

"Fuck you! I don't even know you!"

"Don't raise your voice like that, Haru. You don't sound cute at all."

"I don’t care!"

The man's jaw was seen to harden and even trambled. He threw Haru to the end of the road until he fell and almost hit the wall of the fence on the road and kicked his stomach with all his strength several times. "Until you treat me nicely, that picture will always be there and at times it will come loose in everyone's hands. You better be careful."


End file.
